Just Beachy

On Sunday, we were able to go to Cannon Beach, Oregon.  Some of our best friends from Alaska were vacationing there, and spending time with them was wonderful!  We've missed them so, so much!  

We began the three-hour drive as is right and good: with breakfast at McDonald's.  

And then, the driving done, we made it to the beach!  Lil' Tess loves playing in the sand and splashing in the water...

Maddie jumping in the water!

Maddie and Caroline, one of Maddie's very favorite people.  

My gorgeous Maia

The manly men!

Darling Tess

Warming up with Daddy

I love watching my babies play at the beach!

Walking around town...

One of our Cannon Beach traditions is to get treats at Bruce's Candy Kitchen.  Isn't their Jelly Belly wall beautiful?!?!

I adore their mint malt balls!  

We got to meet an adorable miniature horse, too...

He's just her size.

Beautiful views!!!

Beach selfies!  Belfies!  Belchies!  

We ate a delicious dinner at Mo's...

Some of our talented prodigy!

Post-dinner park time!  

Emily, one of the coolest people I know.  

Max, Warren, and my super man.  

We'll be back soon, Cannon!

Working Draft

Recently, I read the gorgeous novel, Everyone Brave is Forgiven, by Chris Cleave.  It is chock full of the most luscious, beautiful sentences, but my favorite lines were in the Author's Note after the story:

"My grandfather died while I was writing the novel -- but, as he might have remarked, it wasn't necessarily my fault.  I regret that he never saw the book.  I had finished the third draft of what turned out to be five, but I had decided to wait until the novel was perfect before I gave it to him to read.  What a fool I am.  If you will forgive the one piece of advice a writer is qualified to give: never be afraid of showing someone you love a working draft of yourself."  

I love that last line, but I would add that we shouldn't be afraid of showing anyone a working draft of ourselves.  This concept strikes me to my core.  I want to accept that I am a work-in-progress (like everyone else), and that I don't need to hide that.  I think that when we are willing to stop trying to appear "perfect", in any respect, we help others be brave enough to do the same.  And there is such peace in accepting ourselves right now, flaws and all, as enough.  As someone that is worth being seen.  And aren't those the kinds of people that we're usually the most comfortable and happy around, anyway?  

_____________________________________________________________

I took this picture last Saturday morning at 5:15 a.m.  I love, love, love how light it is in the morning now when I am running!

Yesterday's run was a long six miles pushing Tess in her stroller (pushing that thing up hills is WORK!).  Afterwards, I rewarded her for her patience with time at a park near our house:  

I tried to take another selfie with Tess...she quickly ran away, instead.

Tess insisted on bringing three books from home with her on our run.  At the park, she organized them before racing off to play.

The half-mile walk home took F.O.R.E.V.E.R.  She had to stop and inspect every bug she noticed, as well as smell all the flowers.  Even the dandelions.

Showing me her toes while we waited for Maddie to finish up with Tae Kwon Do.  

Thanks for reading!

Rough

This week has been mentally rough.  Rough, rough, rough!  As far as food is concerned, anyway.  Ugh.  The battle against my eating disorder monster continues, and he has won a few significant battles over the past couple of days.  Even though I'm really, really frustrated, I have hope.  Hope that I can return to that place of kindness that felt so amazingly good.  If it happened once, it can happen again.  So I'll keep asking, "How can I be kind to myself right now?"  And I'll try to actually DO what my body tells me to do.

One of the only times that I feel real, powerful joy lately is when I run.  It comes as a visceral, pleasant jolt that usually makes me feel like crying.  I'm so grateful that I can run!  I've only run twice this week, so far, but both runs were good, tough workouts, and just what I needed.

On Wednesday, I ran 8 miles, including speed work.  Running each interval at an 8:00/mile pace, I ran:

1.5 mile warm-up
400 m with 200 m easy jog
800 m with 400 m easy jog
1600 m with 800 m easy jog
2 x 800 m with 400 easy jog after each one
Ran until I hit 8 miles total

Me 'n my treadmill (the one trying to hug my neck) 

One of my favorite things about running is how easy it is to measure your progress.  It's tangible and measurable (unlike mothering!), whether you're talking about speed, or endurance, or both.  A month ago, the above workout would've been almost impossible, but because I've been diligent about doing my speed work, I never doubted that I could do it, and I can tell that I'm getting faster!

Leaving the gym after my Wednesday workout

This morning, I ran 6 miles on the treadmill at the gym.  I felt terrible because I binged on ice cream last night, but I needed a hard workout to remind me of who I really am.  Of what makes me happy.  And it's usually not ice cream.

After a 1 mile warm-up, I ran 2.2 miles at an 8:41 pace.  It was really hard!  I think it would've felt a lot better, and easier, if I hadn't binged the night before, but I'm proud of myself for pushing it.  It felt purifying.  I don't mean to say that I think running should be a turned into a penance for food mistakes (as that could take the joy out of it), but it makes me feel more capable, more powerful, more me.  It strips away a lot of the negative energy that my brain loves to produce.  After the 2.2 miles, I ran at a slow, easy pace for awhile, and then gradually sped back up to a 9:00 mile pace, but most of it was slower than that.

Post-run selfie...it was a sparsely populated room this morning!  

Side note: the above picture makes me so very happy.  I hate and loathe my short hair.  I desperately wish I hadn't cut it!  I miss my long hair!  So, being able to put my hair into a ponytail makes me so happy!  Proof that it's growing out!  Note all the exclamation points...this is a big deal!  :)

Second side note: I saw a Justin Bieber music video today that I really liked.  I even like the song.  To say I am ashamed is an understatement...but seriously, check out the cool video.

Another video that makes me incredibly happy is this one of a new Justin Timberlake song.  I don't know how you could watch it and not feel happier.  Plus, he is one cool dude.

A couple of days ago, my trusty Nike sports bra had to head to that big lingerie store in the sky.  I could NOT get the stink out of it.  'Twas super gross.  I ordered two new ones (Nike -- they're the best sports bras I've ever had!), and Tess thinks they are amazing!  I told her that they help me run, so she had me put one on her, and then proceeded to run up and down the hallway many times.

Speaking of Tess, her love affair with her bucket and shovel is still going strong.  Sand, wood chips, rocks, it doesn't matter.  It all goes in her bucket.  And then is dumped out.  And then goes in again.  Repeat.  I love my hard-workin' girl.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  Thanks for reading!

Recently

 On Friday, I went shopping with my good friends, Tina and Kayleen.  Tess adores both of them.  Tess also has to try out EVERY couch, chair, loveseat, etc. whenever she sees one.  She approved of this one:

While shopping, I bought this pail and shovel for Tess.  She spent a long time filling it with wood chips on Friday afternoon.  Then dumping them out on the slide.  Then filling it up again.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.  :)

On Saturday morning, I ran 12 miles with my running buddies.  I took this picture right before they met me at my house.  I love how light it is at 6 a.m. now!  

On Saturday, we spent the afternoon at my parents' house.  Since I no longer have cable, I needed to steal theirs in order to watch the Preakness.  Since American Pharoah won the Triple Crown last year (YAY!!!), I no longer feel like I always have to cheer for the Kentucky Derby winner to win the Preakness.  So, I rooted for Exaggerator because I love the story of the Desormeaux brothers, and he won!  I love horse racing...

While at my parents' house, Tess decided that Mommy and Daddy can only snuggle if she's crawling all over us.  I sustained several injuries from her pointy elbows, knobby knees, and big, hard head.  

"Do I need a new diaper, guys?"

Time for Superman!  

On Sunday morning, as we left to go to church, the girls started playing "Follow the Leader" in the driveway.  It was rather cute...

Sometimes it's so hard to believe that I gave birth to these three beautiful creatures...

Yesterday morning, I went to Body Pump, and then spent 30 minutes on the Stepmill.  I was a shaky, sweaty mess at the end...it felt great!  This is a rather poor pic of the stepmills I walk on...

So sweaty it looks like I showered...hot mama.  Ow, ow, owwww (my attempt at writing out a catcall).

Tess loves "helping" me make my morning smoothie.  She especially loves turning the blender on.  

Yesterday morning, Tess and I took a walk to the lake by our house.  Tess calls it "bee wada", or "big water".  

She can spend a very long time throwing rocks and sticks in the water.  I always have to carry her away from the lake, because she'll never leave of her own accord.  

Until next time!  :)

The Best Song in the World

Time for a music lesson!  It's time I enlightened all of you as to what song is the best song in the world.  Because there is one.  It's a Tom Petty original called "I Won't Back Down".  If I were going to get a tattoo, it would be this song title.  Instead, I wear it on a bracelet that I never take off:  

I've adopted this song as my personal anthem.  My mantra.  When I was in high school, I used to listen to it before my races (on a big, clunky tape player - I'm old).  I've listened to it hundreds of times and I never get sick of it.  It always makes me feel better.  And I've needed that the last three days.  I turned a corner with my eating issues (Epiphany), and all my demons retaliated with a vengeance.  I could hardly remember what kindness was supposed to feel like, even though I'd been feeling it in abundance for the previous nine days.  I was back to obsessing about wanting to eat treats, but also feeling terror about the size of my stomach.  I just wanted to eat and eat and numb myself, to avoid all the bad feelings and thoughts that had come back.  Luckily, I was expecting this.  Not that that makes it easy to deal with, but I knew that I couldn't possibly overcome almost a lifetime of cruelty to myself, and the accompanying eating habits, in only a few days.  

Lillie has taught me to think of my mental illnesses as external monsters that plague me.  She wanted me to realize that my mental illnesses are not a part of who I am, just like diabetes wouldn't be considered a product of my personality.  It has helped me to get mad at the monsters, rather than myself.  I can rage on them for all they've taken from me, instead of feeling guilt for not being able to overcome what I perceived as personal weaknesses.  Lillie told me that when you try to change the way you live and deal with your monsters, it pisses them off.  They don't want you messing with the status quo.  They've gotten comfortable, and are happy with the cozy little home they've created in your life.  And I know that my epiphany about kindness to myself, and my resulting actions, made them really mad.  They wanted me to go back to how I'd been thinking about my body, food, and myself.  To leave them alone.  To speak my native language.  

Well, too bad, you bastards.  I won't back down.  I loved how I felt when I was being kind to myself, and now I know that it's possible for me to live that way.  I know that I can regain that feeling.  I just have to hang on, and remember that it will get better.  I know it will.  No matter how bad it gets.  

On a side note, I blame my parents for my excellent taste in music.  Music has always been, and still is, a huge part of their lives.  Both accomplished musicians themselves, they made sure I was exposed to the best music: Tom Petty, Bob Dylan (it took me awhile to appreciate good 'ol Bob, though), Cat Stevens, John Hiatt, Tom Cochrane, Jackson Browne, and many, many others.  

______________________________________________________________________

Last night, I ran on the treadmill at the gym while Maia was in her swimming lesson.  It was another tough speedwork session, but I kicked its bum!  I find it's easier for me to run faster in the afternoon and evenings.  Too bad pretty much all races are in the morning!  

My workout:

1 mile warm-up

400 m at 8:00/mile pace

5 x 800 m at 8:00/mile pace

400 m at 7:47/mile pace

Ran easy until I hit 7 miles total

Once again, I was a sweaty, sweaty beast.  About half-way through my workout, a guy got on the treadmill next to mine, which felt weird because there were at least five other treadmills he could've gotten on that weren't right next to me.  I worried for a second about being stinky, but then decided that would be a just punishment for his treadmill choice.  I realized a little while later that he probably chose that treadmill because I was on the one right in front of the TV showing the Mariners game, and he was trying to watch it.  :)  

Post-run...more attractive drops of sweat on the poor, sullied treadmill.  

Post-run selfie with Maia and our cute friend, Mackenzie.  She's in Maia's swimming class, and we go to church with her and her family.  That lady in the background is just jealous...  :)

Thanks for reading!

Monday Musings

On Saturday morning, I ran 11 miles.  I never run with my phone, so I don't have any pictures to share, but just imagine this: 

Picture the most beautiful woman you've ever seen.  She runs with a smooth, fluid motion.  She wears a practical but trendy running outfit that looks like it was made for her.  She moves quickly and lightly across the pavement, almost floating.  Nothing jiggles that shouldn't be jiggling.  The falling rain only enhances her beauty, like tiny diamonds catching themselves on her flowing hair and dewy skin.  She breathes quietly and evenly, and her breath smells like Andes mints and happiness.  

I looked nothing like this woman while I was running.  I chafed in few unmentionable places, and my farmer's tan was on full display.  I also made the mistake of running with four beautiful women.  At the end of our runs together, they always look just slightly sweaty, with a healthy flush to their skin.  I look like I ran into a wind machine.  In 100-degree weather.  

But I love running with Gina, Christine, Danika, and Michelle.  They've welcomed me into their running circle with open arms.  They are all smart, kind, funny, speedy women, and I feel lucky to be their friend.  Long runs are so much more pleasant when I get to run with them.  We talk constantly (although, I am told to hush on the hills - haha), and the miles fly by.  

All our muddy feet after the Hillbilly Half Marathon, March 2016.

_____________________________________________________________________

Saturday afternoon, we took our three blonde beauties to the Hands On Children's Museum.  All three of our babes adore that place!  We bought a family membership, so I anticipate many hours spent there over the next year.  

Maddie in the museum's Animal Rescue Center.

Arts and crafts!

Tess, naturally, loved "driving" all the museum's different cars.

Tess gettin' her creative on.  

Maddie's favorite part of the museum is the restaurant.

Customizing the water table...

Maia realized that she's a bit too big for the slide...

Tess tried to promote animal harmony by putting the wolf in the Owl Hutch.  Dinner is served!

And one cute pic from Sunday:

This darling beast cannot sit still at church to save her life.  Lucky for her, we are easily charmed by her abundant cuteness.  

_______________________________________________________________________

This morning, I went to Body Pump, and then did 15 minutes on the Stepmill.  I normally do 30 minutes, but I had to be home in time for Tyler to go to his first day of work at his new job.  I've had to fight a few demons ever since.  The demons that tell me that I need to work out again today, in order to make up for those "lost" 15 minutes.  That I'm a wimp.  But I already exercised for 75 minutes, and I know that I've done enough.  I'll keep talking back to my demons.  They hate that.  

About to begin 60 minutes of Body Pump.  My arms were shaking by the end!   

Onto the Stepmill, and looking a little doofy.  

The Stepmills at my gym are rather fancy.  Today, I watched country music videos while I exercised.  I'm especially grateful for the built-in fan.  

Tyler is at his new job right now.  I hope he's having a good day!  I miss having him home all the time, but I guess a steady paycheck is more important.  I sent him off to work with two plates of homemade chocolate marshmallow cookies.  Tyler planned on passing them out with the message: "There'll be plenty more where these came from...if you keep paying me."  :) 

Thanks for reading!