Rough

This week has been mentally rough.  Rough, rough, rough!  As far as food is concerned, anyway.  Ugh.  The battle against my eating disorder monster continues, and he has won a few significant battles over the past couple of days.  Even though I'm really, really frustrated, I have hope.  Hope that I can return to that place of kindness that felt so amazingly good.  If it happened once, it can happen again.  So I'll keep asking, "How can I be kind to myself right now?"  And I'll try to actually DO what my body tells me to do.

One of the only times that I feel real, powerful joy lately is when I run.  It comes as a visceral, pleasant jolt that usually makes me feel like crying.  I'm so grateful that I can run!  I've only run twice this week, so far, but both runs were good, tough workouts, and just what I needed.

On Wednesday, I ran 8 miles, including speed work.  Running each interval at an 8:00/mile pace, I ran:

1.5 mile warm-up
400 m with 200 m easy jog
800 m with 400 m easy jog
1600 m with 800 m easy jog
2 x 800 m with 400 easy jog after each one
Ran until I hit 8 miles total

Me 'n my treadmill (the one trying to hug my neck) 

One of my favorite things about running is how easy it is to measure your progress.  It's tangible and measurable (unlike mothering!), whether you're talking about speed, or endurance, or both.  A month ago, the above workout would've been almost impossible, but because I've been diligent about doing my speed work, I never doubted that I could do it, and I can tell that I'm getting faster!

Leaving the gym after my Wednesday workout

This morning, I ran 6 miles on the treadmill at the gym.  I felt terrible because I binged on ice cream last night, but I needed a hard workout to remind me of who I really am.  Of what makes me happy.  And it's usually not ice cream.

After a 1 mile warm-up, I ran 2.2 miles at an 8:41 pace.  It was really hard!  I think it would've felt a lot better, and easier, if I hadn't binged the night before, but I'm proud of myself for pushing it.  It felt purifying.  I don't mean to say that I think running should be a turned into a penance for food mistakes (as that could take the joy out of it), but it makes me feel more capable, more powerful, more me.  It strips away a lot of the negative energy that my brain loves to produce.  After the 2.2 miles, I ran at a slow, easy pace for awhile, and then gradually sped back up to a 9:00 mile pace, but most of it was slower than that.

Post-run selfie...it was a sparsely populated room this morning!  

Side note: the above picture makes me so very happy.  I hate and loathe my short hair.  I desperately wish I hadn't cut it!  I miss my long hair!  So, being able to put my hair into a ponytail makes me so happy!  Proof that it's growing out!  Note all the exclamation points...this is a big deal!  :)

Second side note: I saw a Justin Bieber music video today that I really liked.  I even like the song.  To say I am ashamed is an understatement...but seriously, check out the cool video.

Another video that makes me incredibly happy is this one of a new Justin Timberlake song.  I don't know how you could watch it and not feel happier.  Plus, he is one cool dude.

A couple of days ago, my trusty Nike sports bra had to head to that big lingerie store in the sky.  I could NOT get the stink out of it.  'Twas super gross.  I ordered two new ones (Nike -- they're the best sports bras I've ever had!), and Tess thinks they are amazing!  I told her that they help me run, so she had me put one on her, and then proceeded to run up and down the hallway many times.

Speaking of Tess, her love affair with her bucket and shovel is still going strong.  Sand, wood chips, rocks, it doesn't matter.  It all goes in her bucket.  And then is dumped out.  And then goes in again.  Repeat.  I love my hard-workin' girl.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  Thanks for reading!