Joy

After much thought and struggle (i.e. a pattern of deprivation and bingeing) over the past couple of months, I've decided that I need to really work on finding non-food sources of joy. For 30 days (beginning August 19th) I will not eat treats (desserts, candy, cookies, etc.).  I need to temporarily take the decision of "Should I eat treats today or not?" out of my life because I spend a HUGE amount of time and energy each day determining what the answer to that question should be. Instead, I will be deliberately and consciously looking for other ways to bring joy into my life. With my current levels of depression, compulsive thoughts, and anxiety, this will be very difficult, I think, but it feels like the right thing to do, for me, for now. 

For months now, I've felt that the only activities that bring me any joy are eating treats, running and reading.  But obviously, eating treats (I don't know how to happily do that in moderation) leads to feeling sluggish/sick and gaining weight.  I cannot run very far right now (I'll explain in a moment), and I can only read when Tess is sleeping.  I need to expand my joy arsenal!  

Regarding running, my "Runner's Knee" is because I have terrible valgus control of my quadriceps muscles.  I found a superb physical therapist that was able to pinpoint the source of my pain, thankfully!  Rehab consists of certain exercises that I regularly do and scaling back my running A LOT.  I'm reduced to running with walk breaks.  I hate it!!!  I ACHE for a long, long run...a good ten miles or more.  With no cursed walk breaks!  My new goal, though, is to be able to run 30 continuous minutes without pain.  I'm hoping that I can reach that by September 19th.  It appears I won't be able to run a half-marathon distance until the end of the year.  SIGH.  But this has hammered home for me a valuable truth: I am a chronic over-trainer.  Unless I begin to train intelligently with regards to my distance and speed, eventually I won't be able to run at all.  Lesson finally learned.  With many a  dramatic sigh and complaining.  :)  

So, joy.  Here are a few things that brought me joy yesterday:

Yes, this is a book, but I adore it so!  I began re-reading this series a couple of days ago and HIGHLY recommend it.  This time, I'm trying to read it slowly and carefully and enjoy every page.  

I was FINALLY able to put pig-tails in Tess' hair!  Eeeeeeee!  So sweet!!!

Tess' outfit yesterday also made me happy.  Her pants have unicorns on them and her darling shirt says, "Tres Cute".  

And when my children are happy, I feel joy.  

To be continued...