It's hard to change. Sometimes, it's easier to stay in our ruts, rather than brave the enticing, but unknown path. At least the life we currently have is familiar. We know it's survivable.
The well-worn ruts in my brain direct my thoughts like powerful magnets calling to metal filings. Depression and anxiety relentlessly pull at me to shore up the "Woe Is Me" and "I Am Awful" roads and the "Life Is Too Hard and Almost Always Miserable" highway.
And often, when I feel like that, I want treats. I want the thinking to just stop. I want to bury my face in a pint of ice cream while zoning out in front of the TV. Oh, and I want chocolate. And cookies. And big, gooey slices of cake with a thick layer of frosting on top. Nothing else seems as exciting. It's hard to find other sources of joy when I feel like that. And really, that isn't joy. It's escaping, but not in a way that nourishes me, in any sense of the word.
But I don't want to use food to numb myself. Eating treats should be an occasional, pleasurable experience in which I am fully present. One that involves me really tasting each bite and enjoying all the wonderful flavors it contains. A time where I allow myself to have what I have. Which is what I'm trying to do with the rest of my life, too. To feel all the gratitude and pleasure I can, despite the ever-dampening effect of anxiety and depression. So, the search continues...
I love listening to Tyler play with our girls. They adore his funny voices and silly stories. I do too. He makes all of us laugh and that lightens my load. Case in point: he named our Little People pilgrim man, Buford T. Buttlips. Good 'ol Buford has gone on many a wild and hilarious adventure.
Tess was obviously delighted. :)
And then was alarmed when Buford fell off his horse. Naturally, she turns to me to remedy horse-related mishaps.
I told myself to stop and look at the moon last night. It was so gorgeous!
Sun + fresh air + happy babies = a happier mama and happier babies!
Run, Maddie, run! :)
Joy = slave labor! :) I feel happiness when I see proof that my children are turning into capable people.
Being accepted and loved by my girlies makes everything better.
Sunny selfies with crooked glasses. :)
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