Tangential Tuesday (or, this post is rather random)!

Today is a good day.  I can feel hope and optimism creeping back into my mind.  All morning I've been thinking of one of my favorite quotes, by Leonard Cohen:

"Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in."

A beautiful, worthwhile life does not require perfection!  

The weather matches my mood this morning:  

Looking east from my back porch

The western view from my back porch

I did a speedwork session at the gym this morning.  It consisted of a half-mile warm-up, one mile at 8:20/mile pace, a half-mile jogging recovery, another mile at a 8:20/mile pace, and then one mile at a relatively easy pace for a total of four miles.  

Maintaining an 8:20/mile pace for an entire mile, TWICE, was tough!  But I did it!  What amazes me is that that was my pace for my entire recent 5K race!  That just demonstrates the power of race-day adrenaline and the competitive spirit.  

After my time on the treadmill, I did two bicep and two tricep exercises (with free weights) and then the chest press (on a machine).  My arms were so tired when I got home that they shook when I shampooed my hair and plucked my eyebrows.  :)  

For breakfast, I had my usual, daily smoothie.  It's a recipe of my own design and it's delicious and crazy good for you!  It consists of:

1/2 cup frozen blueberries

1 banana

6 - 10 frozen or fresh strawberries (more if fresh)

About 3/4 cup of vanilla Greek yogurt

1 big handful of spinach leaves

1 Tbsp. chia seeds

1 Tbsp. flax seed

About 1 cup of vanilla almond milk 

Blend and enjoy!  :)

Further proof that I am lucky:

Two of my friends, Kayleen Olsen and Tina Ivanoff, brought me these flowers and a big box of chocolates yesterday.  They know that I've been struggling lately and stopped by to chat and make me feel loved.  They are two amazing, lovely women and I'm so grateful for their friendship!  

And, finally, yesterday was a big day for Tess.  She got her first pair of running shoes!

Teeny tiny running shoes!

Tess and Maddie

I hope you are each having a good day, too.  Thanks for reading!  

Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot...

This week has been rough.  Depression has clung to me like my hot pink compression socks.  :)  I did manage to get some good workouts in, though, and I was able to feel some satisfaction in those accomplishments.  

I decided to begin a new training plan in preparation for the Yellowstone Half Marathon that I'll be running on June 13th (at an elevation of nearly 7000 feet!  Yikes!).  I found it on runnersworld.com and it's through the Smart Coach training program.  It's very personalized, based on recent race times and what your goals are, and you can adjust the training plan as you progress through it.  So far, so good.  

Today, my plan called for an eight mile long run.  It's amazing how eight miles doesn't feel long anymore!  This particular run felt okay.  For parts of it, I felt like I had to remember how to run, if that makes any sense.  I had a hard time relaxing and feeling "smooth".  But it still left me feeling lighter and a bit less oppressed by the weight of my sadness.  So, mission accomplished.  

My trusty shoes and I relaxed on the porch after my run, taking in the beautiful sky. 

My littlest beauty LOVES to be outside and wasn't about to let me enjoy the early-morning outside world without her.  Aren't her jammies adorable?!?!  

Snuggling one of the reasons why I NEED to run.  :)

Because of the hold depression has on me lately, it's been very hard for me to go easy on my easy days and rest on my rest days.  Right now, running/exercise really is my therapy.  Going a day without it makes me feel restless and anxious.  But, I know running/exercising hard every day will only lead to injury and not being able to run at all, eventually.  It helps that I have a training plan to guide me.  I want to be able to run for the rest of my life, not just through this difficult time.  

Runnin' Like a Fool!

Today, I raced in the Run Like a Fool 5K!  

Me, post-race

It was two flat laps around beautiful Capital Lake, here in Olympia.   

About to complete my first lap with some exciting hair.

My last 5K (August 2014) race time was 27:42.  I'm considerably stronger and about 15 pounds lighter than I was then, but I've never been a very speedy runner and I wasn't sure what time I could reasonably expect.  Also, my legs are still sore from a couple of hard workouts I did earlier in the week, and I wondered how that would affect my time.  So, my goal for the race today was anything under 27 minutes, but I always secretly hope that I can crush my goal.  And I did!  My time was right around 25:40 (I'm still waiting on the official results)!  

Celebrating my time!

Half-way done!

My gorgeous, supportive cheerleaders!  Tyler and Tess were there, too, but were warming up in the car at this point.  It was around 38 degrees and the wind was blowing.  It was SO COLD.  

I was able to convince my new friend, Sharon, to run today's race, too!  She's getting back into running and I'm so impressed that she just jumped right in and gave it her all.  Her husband and two of her kids also raced.  Well done, Harris Family!  

To add icing to my time-goal cake, I won first place in my age division for the women!  Wow!  It was a very pleasant surprise.  I'm not sure how many women were even IN my division, but we're going to say a lot.  Tons.  :)  

Me and my sweet Maia with my award: a ribbon and a water bottle with two Gu packets inside.  

I enjoyed this race, but it reinforced, for me, that I am a long-distance runner.  It hurts to run that fast!  Usually, my best, happiest running happens after I hit about the eight-mile mark.  But I think running shorter races is good mental and physical training.  And it IS nice to have the pain be over so quickly. 

Relaxing at home in my race t-shirt.  It's a comfy one!  

Fightin' Words

Depression, with its iron tentacles, has pulled me under again.  I thought that since my diagnosis of clinical depression and a generalized anxiety disorder in January 2000, I had finally outrun that dark heaviness.  I had felt comparatively content for the last few years.  Anxiety still plagues me, but I had hope that since I "conquered" depression, I could vanquish my anxiety, too.  Eventually.  

Ha.  I was wrong.  Depression, that tenacious bastard, has moved in again.  I feel stalked.  

But I'm not done hoping or fighting for relief.  And that's where running comes in...  

Depression leaches all the joy out of my life.  Color is subsumed into flat gray.  But as I run, joy nudges its way back in.  I feel lighter.  I run out from under the suffocating sadness.  

Depression shouts at me that I am a loser.  Worthless.  That I can't do anything well.  But when I run, I reclaim some of the confidence that my depression claims.  I strengthen that part of me that I always like: the athlete.  The bad-ass chick that loves to run up mountains in the rain.  

Depression convinces me that I'm a failure.  At everything.  But when I run, I'm succeeding at something.  It's tangible and obvious.  Especially when I notice my progress over time.  

Depression constantly screams at me that I'm fat and ugly and therefore, totally unworthy of attention or love.  But running reminds me that even while I struggle with loving my body, my body can do some impressive things.  And I am lucky to have this body!  Paradoxically, when I am looking my "worst" (post-hard run/race) is when I feel the most beautiful.        

Bloody, battered and bruised (but so happy!) at the end of Mt. Marathon, 2012

Depression also makes me even more dramatic.  Sorry.  :)

Depression makes me feel lonely and invisible.  But when I run, and especially race, complete strangers cheer for me.  And my favorite cheerleaders are always at the finish line, if possible, to bestow hugs and kisses on my sweaty self.  They tell me they're proud of me and remind me of how much I am loved.  And then they take me out for donuts.  Suh-weet!    

At my first post-Tess race, a 5K, in August 2014.  

I love seeing these faces after my races (Maddie's too, of course!).  :)

Depression tells me that I need to make major life changes RIGHT NOW.  Luckily, that urge is usually satisfied by signing up for another race.  Phew.  Well, this round of depression also led to a new piercing.  Nothing too shocking, though.  :)  

(My next half-marathon!)

Depression tells me that life really is a big, shi*$y joke and that the only solution is to embrace bitterness and give up.  Running reminds me that I am not a quitter.  I never walk until I've crested the hill.  I don't stop running until I've crossed the finish line.  I do each and every interval, no matter how tired I am.  I am more tenacious than depression.  

At the top (finally!) of Mt. Marathon, 2012

Running saves me.  It helps to magnify my good qualities and minimize the ones I'm not proud of.  It lets a shaft of light pierce the heavy black cloud that depression drowns me in (see?  Dramatic!).  :)  

I am so grateful for my strong legs and my stubborn heart.  Good luck, depression.  You'll need it.  

Beautiful Zion

I raced my second half-marathon, the Zion Half-Marathon, on March 14, 2015 in Springdale, Utah.  Springdale is the small town that sits immediately outside the boundaries of Zion National Park.

This is where the finish line was located

The race began at 7:30 in the morning, but because of parking limitations at the start area, racers were asked to be there no later than 6:30.  I was there by 5:45 a.m.  Ugh.  

Right before I left my hotel room and drove about ten minutes to the starting area

Festivities began at 5:30 a.m. in a huge warming tent with great music and giveaways.  Thankfully, they also had bananas!  That is my go-to race-morning fuel, but I'd forgotten to get some the day before.  It was very, very cold that morning and I was so grateful for the warming tent!  At 7:00, though, they kicked us out of the tent and had us make our way to the starting line.  By that time I'd checked my warmer clothes and I was miserably cold!  It was windy, too, and eventually, I was hopping in place with my arms pulled into my shirt and trying to discreetly huddle behind people that were between me and the wind.  

I felt a little lonely that morning, since I was traveling solo, but I ended up meeting two very nice guys at the starting line that were also from Washington and talking to them (and bonding over how stinkin' cold we were!) helped the loneliness fade.  I love being part of the community of runners!  

By the time the race began the sun was just beginning to lighten the eastern horizon and outline the mountains all around us.  After four miles of running, I finally felt semi-warm and by then the sun was peeking up above the horizon and highlighting the craggy ridges and peaks all around me.  It was stunning.  Many, many times, racers all around me paused to whip out their phones and take pictures of the scenery.  It made me wish I had a smart phone and could do the same.  But, honestly, I'm too competitive to stop for any but the most dire of reasons.  I'd rather finish ten seconds faster.  :)   

This race was cup-less (damn environmentalists!  Ha.), so I had to run with a hydro pouch.  I didn't like that very much.  It easily clipped onto my waistband, but it was a bit hard for me to drink out of.  I suppose with practice, I'd prefer it to a little paper cup.  Maybe.  :)  

Sporting my hard-earned, very comfortable race t-shirt

The race went really well for me.  If it had been run at sea level, I would've expected to finish with a time of 2:10 or faster.  But at an elevation of 3953 ft., I ran it in 2:14:08!  I was so thrilled!  That's an average pace of 10:14 min./mile.  I am now really itchin' to run another half at sea level and see how fast I would be able to go (my next goal is a sub-2:00 half-marathon).  I finished in 633rd place, out of around 2100 racers.

Me!

I highly recommend this race!  It was very well organized, afforded some of the most beautiful, breathtaking views and all the staff I interacted with were helpful, friendly and enthusiastic.  Hopefully, I'll be racing it again in 2016!     

I did it!

Race Bling

I am impressed.  My Turkey Trot medal came in the mail a couple of days ago and its quality far exceeded what I expected!  It's heavy, solid and quite snazzy lookin'.  At least, I think so.  Here, my medal and I bond while we take a selfie (duo-ie?  Together-ie?) together (please ignore the trash can and dog house in the background):

The front of the medal:

The back: 

I claimed a corner of our mudroom as my Race Wall.  I've got two of my Mt. Marathon bibs hanging up (I've lost the other two, unfortunately), and the bib from a 5K I ran in August.  Plus, the medal from the same 5K and my Turkey Trot medal.  Eventually, I want that wall plastered in bibs and medals!

In one month, I'll have another medal and bib for my wall.  I'll be in Riverside, California, running this (half-marathon) race: Citrus Heritage Run.  I'm really, really looking forward to it!  Besides it being my first half-marathon race, my best friend from Alaska will be running it with me.  I haven't seen her in SIX LONG months and I've missed her desperately!  It will be an epic Girls' Weekend.  :)

My run yesterday was a slow 4 miles.  It felt wonderful.  I felt light and energetic and it was so warm outside!  About 50 degrees!  At 6 a.m.!  I am NOT missing Alaskan temperatures.  Or the snow.

Today I rode my stationary bike while I watched "House Hunters" episodes on Netflix.  A good way to start the day, I'd say.

I hope you're all having a fantastic day!  Get out and run!  Or at least work up a good sweat, somehow.  :)

Jillian Michaels made fun of me...

A few days ago, I decided to give Level 2 of my Jillian Michaels DVD a try...

...and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  At least, not at first.  Then I woke up the next morning (and the next morning!) and my legs and arms felt rather heavy.  And a bit sore.  I was ecstatic!  I love knowing that I'm stronger than I was!  I had to do the modified version of a couple of the exercises, but it was a great workout and I'm excited to get to the point where I can do Level 2 completely unmodified and not wake up sore the next morning.  

A couple of times during the workout, when the moves were especially challenging, Jillian said things like, "You wanted to do Level 2!  Alright, then, here's Level 2!"  I enjoyed her friendly trash-talk.  :)  

I didn't go on a long run yesterday.  I missed it.  I think running four times in a row in Idaho Falls last week was a little hard on my hip and right foot, since I haven't been running that many days per week in a really long time.  I've got a slight case of plantar fasciitis in my right foot, but I have found a stretch that seems to be healing it!  It's called Toes Pose.  Check it out if you're similarly pained!  

I felt so tired and sluggish last week, for some reason.  After taking an extra rest day and not running as much as usual, I'm looking forward to some good, hard workouts this next week.  

I hope you're all enjoying the Christmas season!  

Our dog, Olly, and our Christmas tree.